The Shortest Adventure

He loves the outdoors. Don't let his city slicker charm throw you off - He feels right at home in woods, covered in dirt and wrapped in clothes saturated with campfire smoke. May I present to you the one, the only: The Brave Cowpoke

Growing up I always looked forward to camp outs with Dad. I don't know what is was - he just became "cool" for that short period of time. The annual Fathers and Sons outing is always a popular attraction. For one night, boys get to be boys, Men get to be Men, and Moms, well, never stop worrying about what might happen to both of them...

Somehow, we always made it home alive and in one piece, with plenty of near death experiences, of course, to share with my hysterical mother. I never understood why the thought of 15 Dads watching 20 - 30 kids was so nerve-racking! Well now I do.

Kallin and I spent our first Fathers and Sons together a few weeks ago. He turned 2 years old in July, and to me, that makes him old enough to learn wilderness survival - heh, just kidding. He spent hours just running around chasing the "big boys". I think it was about 10:30 pm before I finally got him to slow down and hit the sack.

We enjoyed a night of luxury - dutch oven biscuits and gravy, heart-attack potatoes, and some peanut butter smores to wash it all down. Mad props to Kolter and Chris - they know how to make a man happy, er, I mean, make a lonely guy feel at home in the tent trailer, um, I mean make a Father and Son feel like a million bucks - yeah, that's better.

As the sun rose early the next morning it was time to tear down camp and head back to the city. The adventure was short, but sweet. Here's to the most memorable moments that never last long enough...

The Unexpected Adventure

So I'm in the Atlanta airport waiting for my flight to Raleigh, NC. There is an Indian family (I guess that's what they were...) waiting in the boarding area with me - didn't think much of it at the time. Their son, about 4 or 5 years old, could not sit still. His older sister would have to chase him down every couple of minutes. Meanwhile, the parents just sat there and said nothing. Nice.

I board the plane and notice one of the flight attendants has very short purple hair - that alone would raise serious questions, but then when she spoke I could tell she had a European accent. Now the hairstyle was acceptable. Remember that rambunctious little Indian I spoke about earlier? Well, here comes the Cowboys and Indians part of the story.

So this kid is sitting in a window seat while his mother, covered from head to toe mind you (isn't that a security risk???) is sitting in the aisle seat. He proceeds to stand up and relentlessly hit the "Attendant Call" button. It just so happened that the purple-haired flight attendant was standing only a couple feet away. She immediately turned around to see what all the fuss was about and proceeding to grab the kid's hand, stare him in the face, and in her best English, yell: "Stoppit, that is a very serious button. Don't play with it." Oh, the mother? Yeah, she just sat there and did nothing.

One would think that a child would have already caused a big enough scene and the mother would have sat him down in preparation for takeoff. Oh no, not today. The second Ms. Purple Hair turns her back he bangs on the Call button again, and again. This time her voice was a little more stern and a LOT louder, "I told you to stoppit, kid." However this time she grabbed the kid's arm and then used it to push him into the seat. Oh, where's Mom? Yeah, she still hasn't done a thing - still sitting there doing who knows what.

Well, we finally take off and all seems to be going well - until we are about 10 minutes away from landing. I catch this whiff of something, not sure what, but it's definitely something. As it gets stronger my nose hairs start burning - it is the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled in my life. I seriously thought I was going to barf. Next thing I know everyone is squirming. And then (not really to my surprise), "little boy slappy" is being every-so-promptly "shoved" past my seat and into the bathroom. Oh great. So the "mom" proceeds to rip this kid a new one and scream at him for a good 5 minutes - meanwhile, the smell has subsided; however, obviously something has happened because Ms. Purple Hair has now congregated with two other flight attendants trying to figure out how to clean up something. Makes sense. But again, the smell has gone away - interesting...

So after the yelling show in the bathroom trails off, we seem to return back to our own business. At this point, half of us are still trying to figure out just what the heck happened up in seat 18E (I'm in 28E, mind you). Next thing I know, that unexplicable smell returned - it almost seemed like it came out of nowhere until I turned to the left and saw "craps while he flies" walk past me, followed by his gem of a mother, "teach him a lesson and make him sit in it". They return back to their seats like nothing has happened. Now at this stage, we have all opened our air vents full blast and are practically sucking the fresh air right out of them. You know, now that I think about it, I'm surprised the oxygen masks didn't fall down - really, it was that bad.

Now, the sweet flight attendants had made a valiant effort to clean up the mess (which I can only guess was the product of a rear-end because I have NEVER smelled barf that rancid...), plastic gloves and all. But, their efforts were in vain as this mother of the year decided this would be a good time to teach stinky pants a lesson and make him sit in his waste for the remainder of the flight...Lovely.

All I can say is that I have never seen a plane de-board so quickly. Well, do you blame us? When I thought the drama was all over, I grabbed my carry-on and headed down the aisle. Upon arriving at seat 18E, I couldn't believe my eyes. I was now required to step over the "mess" and experience it's damaging odor one last time - unbelievable.

And remember, ALL of this took place in a 60 minute flight from Atlanta, GA to Raleigh, NC. Awesome.

The Biggest Adventure Yet

The Brave Cowboy looked quite peculiar in his straw hat and speedo. The Senior picnic for Napa High School was the last "hoorah", if you will, of the year. Finally, that elusive graduation date was on the horizon. The only thing that stood in front of Napa's famed Brave Cowboy and the "finish line" was a trip to the waterslide park and then, well, final exams. How cruel - allow the students to celebrate their acheivments and then subject them relentless torment and misery! Fine whatever.

He boarded the bus that warm June morning and sat next to, well, probably nobody. You see, the Brave Cowboy had a "lady friend", if you will. He pretty much just hung out with her and had disregarded all the friends he had made - typical male. There was no shame, however, he simply pulled his hat down over his brow and marched to the back of the bus.

Wateworld, USA in Concord, CA was a new attraction that boasted the latest "technology in waterslide adventure!" Huh? Is that even possible? I could care less. They arrived at the park and spent the day being up-standing citizens and well-behaved teenagers. Really, they did. Of course nobody had any clue that they were actually withholding their mischeivity for the right time, at the right place. The right time turned out to be shortly before 3pm and the right place, apparently, was the Bonsai pipeline (the name of one of the waterslides - come on, keep up with the story!). Who knew? Well, obviously they did. Every year the Senior class - both nerds and jocks, alike - gather together and "clog up" one of the slides. Isn't this common knowledge? Well it should of been - then someone would have stopped their idiotic plan (at the time it sounded harmless enough...).

They gathered beneath the slides, which were strategically suspended from a giant wood tower. Nobody really remembers what was discussed during those few short minutes together - it was irrelevent. The desire was to be up there - breaking the school record of the total number of kids that could fit on a slide - duh!

The boots slowed this cowboy down, despite his VERY aerodynamic attire (re-read the first sentence in this story if you've already forgotten...geesh!). By the time he got to the top, most of the crowd was a hootin' and a hollerin'. The nice little lifeguard lady just sat down and raised a white flag - VICTORY!! Okie dokie, time to join the crowd. He launched himself down the slide and came to a very abrupt stop - sooner that he had expected. Huh, this can't be good. Oh well, just grab onto the sides and wait it out. Meanwhile, there seemed to be a relentless "thumping" coming from behind. He thought he was one of the final participants but apparently not. Just then, he heard a tear - No, not a tear - a tear. Lights out.

The light was blinding him and quickly became quite annoying. Oddly enough it seemed to be making him queezy. OK, the room, or box, or whatever it is that I'm in, seems to be spinning. I think I hear something; someone. Do I know you? What are you doing here? We're sharing this box and it seems a bit awkward. OK, I'll get better as soon as I can. Oh, by the way, what am I recoving from? You'll have to help me out here, I can't see much. OK, hi Danielle. Huh, we are sharing an ambulance. It's not registering - I can't process much information - the light, is just, well, bright. I can't move my neck. Something is holding it still. Wait, am I dead?

The Brave Cowboy had always wondered what it would be like to ride in an emergency vehicle. It seemed he was getting that chance but wasn't able to enjoy it. His vision was very cloudy and he was very disoriented. Ah, the hospital. A dead person wouldn't recognize a hospital. I hope I'm not inappropriately dressed for the occasion - does it really matter? Seems a bit breezier than normal. What is this time capsule thingy your putting me in? Huh, a quick ride in, and then right back out? That's it? Glad I didn't pay for that ride - oh, wait. Are you sizing me up for a casket? Why the random thoughts?

Mom, Dad, is that you? The ability to distinguish items seemed to be returning. Oh, the headache - unbearable. The white coat must mean you're a doctor - OK. What's wrong with me? Concussion? Cracked sternum? Bruised ribs? Sounds like something serious just happened. OK, I'll just lie down and relax - got anymore of that yummy jello?

It wasn't until several hours later that night that he began to understand the tragic reality. The waterslide broke? Ah yes, I remember "blacking out". Doctor, is this normal? Yes, when the brain experiences an "overload". It knew you were going to fall. Luckily you landed on the dirt below. How high? ~50 feet. Amazing. Is everyone OK? I couldn't even tell you who was next to me. I did barf on someone in the ambulance. Hopefully she'll forgive me.

After weeks of rehabilitation he realized that life had continued. School was now over. Graduation was a few days away. What about finals? Cancelled? Oh, the one good thing that came of this. What about baseball? Yeah, no chance of that - too sore. He would have to watch from the sidelines and simply root his team on to victory. The dream, that one chance, here and gone.

You must realize, that this is not a sad ending; rather a happy beginning - but I'll save that for another day...

Oh, and if you don't believe this story, check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwhvE0gIm3I